Anxiety And Death, rest in paradise erick

[Guest_Guest_*]

well my only little brother who is only like a year younger than me got killed in november last year while he was walking home from his girlfriends house...at the time i was 8 months pregnant so i tried really hard not to let it get to me but now hes 2 months old and i am severly depressed with i think its called postpartum depression and at the same time everything that i was trying to block out of me all the grief is realy starting to get to me it just hits me out of nowhere and i start having all these racing negative thoughts and i start thinking about him and i start crying really hard but at the same time all the anger buils up inside and i feel like killing somebody....everyhting is piling up at the same time and its all just getting to me to the point hwere i think im gunna kill myself or someone else or im gonna start doing meth or something ...it just makes me want to be evil and just snap on people because all the nager inside is bulding up like a volcano ad i think im about to erupt.....what to i do?

[Nineline Adminis...]

Sorry about your brother. It's a real tragedy to lose someone close to you, especially suddenly like that. It is not surprising that you are having this grief reaction right now. It's natural. Even having all of these thoughts of anger and wanting to hurt someone is probably natural and understandable given what happened to your brother. Unfortunately, you are in a situation where your grief, anger, and depression is affecting someone else -- your child. What you probably need to do is to set up a situation where when you are getting these feelings, i.e., you are really angry or depressed, that you can bring your son to someone to watch for awhile. This way you can get a break and deal with these things without affecting your baby. If you have a friend that you can exchange child care with, or a mother, or aunt, or some relative that you can ask for help with child care, you can use that time to take care of yourself. It's important that you take care of yourself so that you can heal and that your son will not be affected by your depression or anger. You should consult a doctor or get a referral to a therapist that you can talk to about these feelings. You need to be able to express these feelings to someone in order to get them out and reduce the toxic effect they have on you, thereby reducing your depression and anger. Plus, you need to keep grieving as long as you need. But you need to do it with support from others. If you can talk to a relative, brother or sister, and grieve your brothers loss with them, that would go a long way toward healing you. If you don't have anyone close, you can see a therapist and go through this experience with her/him. You need to cry and maybe cry for a long time. You also need to vent your anger at this happening to your younger brother. Someone you loved very dearly. You need to talk about it. Then you will be able to care for your baby without these feelings overwhelming you. It's hard to have to look at things this way, but due to an unforseeable, tragic event, your brother is now part of your past. A memory you will have forever of course, but still now part of your past, your history. Your son, however, is now part of your present and your future, and you his. It is a great thing you have done to bring a new life into the world. Your are a great person and a very good mother. Your son is lucky to have you. But, you need to heal from this tragic loss. So, please, follow up on some of our suggestions and take care of yourself and your son. You can call us if you want to talk at 800-999-9999.

Sincerely,

Nineline