Are their different kinds of family problems?

Separation is often a couple�s first step towards trying to improve their marriage although it can also be the first step towards divorce. Don�t blame yourself for your parents� separation. They are adults and are trying to work out problems between them the best way they know how. Ask them what they hope to achieve by separating and how you can help them during this difficult time.

What is family?

Are there different kinds of family problems?

Do I have a family problem?

How do I get help?

How can Nineline help me?

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abuse information for caregivers

Divorce of your parents may leave you feeling anxious, withdrawn or depressed. These intense feelings may express themselves as shame, anger, grief, rebellion or poor performance in school. Some kids describe their parents� divorce as the most painful experience of their childhood. So allow yourself to feel the pain but don�t act out. If you can�t tell your parents how you feel, find someone else you can trust. The more effectively you deal with your feelings now the less likely your parents� divorce is to have a bad effect on your relationships or marriage in the future.

A drug or alcohol addicted parent is difficult to cope with. If they are struggling with addiction, it�s likely that they are not able to care for you well or give you much attention. This is very hard for a teenager to deal with. Remember, it�s not your fault � don�t let your parent blame you for their illness. The best way to cope is to talk to someone you trust who might convince your parent to get help. Take care of yourself as well, and try to talk to someone about how the problem has been affecting you.

An abused parent�s low self-esteem may keep them from seeking help to escape their abusive relationship. They may be anxious and depressed and may even act out by abusing you. Again, talk to someone you can trust � someone who might be willing to talk to your parent and get them the help they need before the situation gets worse. You may find it helpful to speak to a counselor at school, who can give you some perspective on the problem and possibly help with finding resources.

An abusive parent Child abuse is against the law. This includes abuse of minors of any age. No parent, stepparent, relative or friend of the family has the right to abuse you -- either physically or sexually � not even emotionally. Don't feel badly about protecting yourself. Tell someone right away - an adult you trust. If they don't help, tell someone else until you find help. Remember that you are not to blame when someone abuses you. Their behavior is wrong, and not related to anything you did.

Call the Child Abuse Hotline; the call is free (1-800-422-4453). Or call the Covenant House Nineline (1-800-999-9999). It's also free. Other family conflicts Dealing with parents As you grow older and more independent, your parents may worry about you and begin to nag, criticize or act overprotective of you. One of the easiest ways to avoid family conflicts is to communicate. Talk to your parents. Write them a letter or an e-mail to get their attention. Nobody knows you as well as you do. So if you don't let them know how you feel, loud and clear, who will?

Parents who nag or criticize Try to control your anger or frustration. Keep your parents on your side by showing love, appreciation, and interest in them and being as pleasant to them as you want them to be to you. Parents want to know you�re listening. Show that you listen and understand their criticism by repeating what they say in a respectful way. Get them to talk about what they did as teenagers -- this may remind them of what you�re going through.

Parents who are overprotective Parents usually make rules because they love you and don't want you to get hurt. Keep them up on the important things going on in your life and introduce them to your friends. Show them that you understand their fears - "I understand you think it�s not safe for me to go out late on Saturday night but I promise to tell you where I�m going and who I�m going with." If you can�t talk to them without getting upset, write a letter. Let them know you are thinking about how they feel, and then spell out your own point of view.

Parents who fight Tell your parents that their fighting bothers you at an appropriate time (not during a fight). Try to understand each one's point of view, but don't take sides. If they are insensitive to our feelings - go for a walk, phone a friend or do something else to avoid watching them fight. If their fights are physical, you really do need to talk to someone like a relative, a counselor, a family friend before it gets out of control � especially if there is a danger that you or your siblings will get hurt.

A parent's remarriage Do something nice for your stepparent, to break the ice. Let them know you understand that they are in love and need time alone with your parent. Both will be grateful -- and warmer to you as a result. If you feel left out, talk to your parent and find a compromise.