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what are the warning signs of a problem?

It is not common that a teen will approach an adult regarding sexuality, especially if that teen is already sexually active.

Many teens that are sexually active by choice do not view it as a problem and the ones who do are much too embarrassed to talk about it. Raising the issue of premarital sex often comes up after addressing other areas such as depression, guilt, low self-esteem, problems in school or at home, etc. If you suspect the teen you care about is sexually active it is important to ask questions and make a comfortable space for them to feel safe to ask questions.

Some questions to ask your teen are:

1. Are you sexually active?
2. Do you have more than one partner?
3. Do you have sexual intercourse?
4. When was the first time you had sexual intercourse?
5. How often do you have sexual intercourse?
6. Have you taken precautions against pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases?
7. Where do you usually have sex?
8. Do you enjoy sex, or is it something you feel obligated to do?
9. Is there anyone you talk to about it?
10. Why do you think you have sex?
11. Do you want to quit? If so, have you tried to quit?

Talking with teens about sex can be extremely difficult. There are many reasons why a talk about sexual intercourse may go astray when talking with an adolescent.

1. Your failure to listen
2. You have a judging tone of voice or attitude
3. You provide inaccurate information just to force through your personal agenda with abstinence or desire to help
4. You display shock or pry too much for personal details
5. You give answers too quickly and too easily that the teen may feel are unrealistic for them to follow through with

Once you’ve attempted to talk with your teen about sexual relationships, follow up, continually display interest and concern and be available for questions.

NEED TO TALK? Call the NINELINE - Hotline at 1-800-999-9999 (TTY: 1-800-999-9915), or e-mail us. It's free, it's confidential, it's 24/7, and it's for you! Hablamos Español.